HOTPOCKET

“Hey, does anyone want another Hot Pocket?” Daryl lazily called to his friends sitting in their own squalor in the shared living room. Katie lifted her head while gurgling a bong.

“I told you man those are Pizza Pockets not Hot Pockets.” She called out through fits of coughing. Smoke left her mouth and added to the expanding cloud that all but made the ceiling invisible. “They’re completely different.”

Daryl set the frozen snacks onto a plate and slammed the microwave door shut. He punched in the numbers and with a whirr of the machine, the plate began rotating in a bath of bright yellow-orange light.

“Dude.” Nihal shouted to his friend, not taking his eyes off the high speed chase happening on screen, his hands firing away at the gaming controller. “Don’t stand in front of the microwave, I told you, the like…. Radiation will fuck you up.”

“That’s not a thing.” Katie said, all the while inhaling more smoke.

“Yeah…” Daryl said while quietly entranced by the rotating snack.

“No, guys, it's totally a thing.” Nihal said uninterested as his character's car barreled through a crowded sidewalk. “Trust me don’t stand in front of the-”

“What…”

“Don’t get up.” The doctor ordered as she pressed against Daryl’s chest.

“Where am I?” Daryl asked as he scanned the area.

He was laying in a bed above the covers. The beeping of medical equipment rang through his ears and his nose was assaulted with the thick stench of chemical cleaner. His arms were shackled to the bed by plastic restraints and he was only able to lift them about a foot from his sides. He could feel his forehead wrapped in a cotton bandage that itched.

“You had a serious accident. I’m going to ask you some questions and I need you to do your best to answer them as truthfully and accurately as possible. Can you do that for me?” The doctor asked in a clear, urgent manner.
“What?” Daryl asked, still trying to process his surroundings. He tried to scratch his forehead but his arm was stopped short by the restraint.

“Have you been exposed to any large amounts of Radium, Neptunium, Plutonium-”

“Puh-Plutonium? Is that shit even real? No I haven-”  Daryl tried to move his arms again to itch at his forehead but once again was limited by the restraints.

“Okay, have you encountered or been exposed to any high amounts of Gamma Radiation, Micro Waves, Radium or-”

“Yeah.” Daryl blurted as he looked away from the doctor and realized the room was a lot smaller than a typical infirmary and that the walls were dark and looked almost as if they were made of stone. A chill tickled his body and light hairs lifted on his dark skin. 

“Daryl, how were you exposed to Gamma Radiation?” The doctor asked, her face covered in a protective shield and scrubs.

“Not that Hulk shit, Microwaves. I have a microwave at home. I was making hot pockets and then I.. I dunno I passed out. Can I get my arms free? My face itches like crazy.”

“Where were you when you were… preparing these hot pockets?”

“I was…. No.” Daryl protested. He flabbergasted as the doctor gave a disapproving glare. “I was standing in front of the… is this seriously what this is all about?”  

“You stood in front of the microwave?” The doctor asked disbelievingly. “Do they not teach you ANYTHING in those schools?”

“I guess not!” Daryl shouted. “Can I PLEASE have my arms back?”

“Daryl you can’t scratch at your face because your brain has swelled up to the size of a beach ball. The skull is nonexistent and your skin is peeling away, basically shedding, at a massive rate. Merely scratching at it could cause potential brain damage.”

“...Whack.” Daryl said in disbelief. “Well, am I at least going to be like, smart or something?”

“We… thought that could be a possibility... But after speaking with you there clearly doesn’t seem to be a correlation between your brain growth and any increased intelligence.”

“Ouch.” Daryl said, once again attempting to scratch himself only for his arms to be jerked back by the restraints.  

“You’re friends are here. Katie and Nihal. We are going to bring them in… I suggest you say… goodbye to them.” The doctor said solemnly.

“Fuck doc this shit is heavy can I at least have like a Xanax or something?”

“We…. Are unsure what the side effects of medicine would have during this… episode. We feel it’s best to just play it out and then take what we need from the toxicology report after.”

“Word. Alright send ‘em in.” Daryl said annoyed, now understanding that the room’s stoney interior relates to some sort of lead lining. After several moments large doors that had been unnoticed in the room opened to reveal another metallic set of doors that unlocked in an elaborate fashion. Armed guards then led his two roommates, fully dressed in hazmat suits, towards his bed.

“I told you man not to stand in front of that fucking thing.” Nihal said, his voice distorted from his helmet and mask. “I told you.”

“Shut up Nihal no one could have predicted this.” Katie said, hot boxing her hazmat suit.

“I could have.” Nihal and the Doctor said in unison.

“Whatever.” Daryl and Katie said in unison.

“So are you like smart now or something?” Katie asked while attempting to inhale the floating smoke surrounding her face.

“Nah apparently I’m gonna fuckin die.” Daryl sighed.

“That sucks. Now we’re gonna need to find another roommate.” Katie said to Nihal.

“Yeah let’s worry about that after, Katie . It’s kind of insensitive to talk abou-”

“My friend Paul is gonna be coming to the city for school in September, he could move in.” Daryl stated.

“Oh really? Paul is awesome. Yeah then this is great, actually.”

“Paul is really cool.” Katie said sleepily.

 “Yeah so we should probably get going.” Nihal said, looking at the door.

“You have another 5 minutes..” The doctor chimed from the corner, staring at a series of clocks.

“I don’t think… Do we need it?” Katie asked slowly, looking at both Nihal and Daryl for confirmation.

“No, I think we covered… everything? Right?” Daryl asked.

“Yeah I think… I got Paul’s number? Oh, no I don’t. Thank you!” Nihal said to the doctor. “Here add Paul to my phone.” Nihal said, holding his phone out to Daryl as he reached for it only to be pulled down by the restraints.

“Oh shit sorry”

“Happens all the time,” Daryl laughed. “Guys… I dunno, I think I can fight this.”

“No you look terrifying, there’s no way.” Katie said plainly.

“We are unsure how he is able to speak or… frankly how he is still alive. This is honestly, scientifically baffling.” The doctor added.

“Yeah but like that’s it right? Maybe I’ll be fine, you know? Besides the head I’m actually really healthy I’ve been vegan for two years and-”

“You’re not a vegan, you were eating Pizza Pockets, that's how this whole thing started.” Nihal argued.

“So? What’s not Vegan about Pizza Pockets?” Daryl asked.

“Cheese.” Katie muttered.

“Oh. Okay. Vegetarian.”

“They were pepperoni-bacon, Daryl.” Nihal stated, exhausted.

“Oh… I guess.. I’m not healthy.” Daryl said, defeated. The room fell to a silence, interrupted periodically by the beeping of the room’s various equipment.

“3 more minutes folks.” The Doctor stated from the corner.

“Guys I don’t want to die.” Daryl pleaded.

“Everyone dies, it's like, whatever. Just give us Paul’s number.” Asked Katie

“But like, I never saw the Snyder Cut or… any of The Wire.”

“Daryl.” Nihal said firmly.

“I just always said I would get around to it but-”

“DARYL!”

“What?” Daryl asked, tears rolling from his eyes.

“Paul’s. Number.” Nihal asked, phone in his hand.

“658-243….2…2…”

“Two… Two..” Daryl muttered to himself, his mouth pressed against the carpet. He reached towards his face and scratched at the bloody, itchy gash that had formed on his forehead. The blood was dried and flaked as he scratched it. Moaning, he made his way to his feet to see Katie asleep on the couch covered in bong water while Nihal furiously pressed away at his controller.

“Oh hey dude. Didn’t hear you come back in.” Nihal shouted, not looking away from his character firing a machine gun at a wave of people. 

“I… I was on the fucking floor dude! I must have passed out and hit my head! Look!.” Daryl shouted.

“Oh shit. Yeah maybe we should open a window and air this place out. I think you two greened out from the fumes.”

“Why didn’t you?” Daryl asked, still satisfyingly scratching at his face.

“Weed doesn’t work for me.” Nihal said, still pressing away at his controller.

“Dude you’re watching a livestream.. Why are you holding a controller?”

“Woah.” Nihal exclaimed, dropping the controller while the violent game continued to play on the screen. The streamer laughed from his rectangular box in the top right hand corner. The center of the controller glowed as it turned on.

Nihal blinked his blood shot eyes slowly. “So I wasn’t playing Last of Us 2?”

“No Pewdiepie was…How did you not know?”

“I don’t know!?”

“Shit, you are high.” 

The two friends laughed in confusion. 

“So yeah I had a crazy dream while I was passed out in a pool of my own blood.” Daryl said groggily as he picked clumps of dried marijuana off the table and packed it into the bowl of the bong.

“Oh yeah?” Nihal asked, checking the arm of the couch for a lighter.

“Yeah I was in a hospital cause my head was huge and I was gonna die and so Paul was gonna move in. It was really scary an-”

“Pauls moving in?” Katie asked as she sprang awake, grabbing the bong from Daryl, sparking it with Nihal’s lighter.

“I love Paul.” She added. “He’s so good at hanging out.”